TfL ask OED to redefine the word "good"

A "good" service (Pic: eeveelife)

Arseconkers has determined that an approach has been made by representatives of Transport for London (TfL) to the Oxford English Dictionary to redefine the word "good". The word, whose current definitions include "pleasing, to be approved of" and "having the required qualities, of a high standard" is causing confusion amongst foreign tourists to the capital, when they hear station announcements that "all underground lines are currently running a good service" - moments before having to contort into a packed train delayed by signal failures, and having their face compressed against the carriage doors leaving a permanent imprint.

Central Line commuters yesterday

TfL, who are responsible for running the London Underground system, or "Tube", have petitioned for the meaning of the word "good" to be redefined as meaning "awful, dreadful, at best shockingly mediocre". However, they admitted that the employee responsible for recording the "good service" announcements had not travelled on the Central Line during rush hour, or on the District Line ever.

In other announcements, TfL revealed a new rush hour ticketing strategy based on The Hunger Games, whereby commuters would compete in a "survival of the fittest" death-match in order to secure a place on their chosen train.

"The 0745 from Waterloo to Bank has arrived. Only one of you will survive to ride it. Let the Games begin!"