UK Govt set to turn London Eye into source of green renewable energy

The London Eye (pic: M Bowman)

 The Government is set to announce plans to convert the London Eye into a source of clean, renewable energy, Arseconkers has learned. The project will be launched alongside a number of welfare reforms in a future Bill.

The Eye, developed as a temporary tourist attraction at the turn of the millennium, will be converted into a large "hamster wheel", and will generate electricity like a bicycle lamp dynamo, powered initially by Britain's burgeoning number of unemployed, homeless and pensioners. Benefits will be paid according to performance, measured in kWh. The Liberal Democrats originally opposed the plan, but have agreed to support it on the understanding that a large plastic communal drinking bottle will be attached to the side of the structure with an elastic band, and that students will also be used to keep the supply going on evenings and weekends.

A working class person

A Tory spokesman said, "We have to get people out of this cycle of dependency. The global recession has hit the wealthy incredibly hard, and it is important that we all work together to help them get over the mess they created through their own greed. We intend to roll this out locally to private homes and offices so that the middle and working classes can start pulling their weight whilst working too. We will use this to provide tax breaks to people putting £2 million or more into offshore bank accounts. Who could have predicted that a source of clean, cheap, renewable energy could be right under our noses, and indeed in your houses, just like shale gas? We don't need to consult about the short, mid, long term negatives, the environmental or social consequences, and I really don't give a single fuck anyway provided my wealthy chums amd I make a fat pile of cash. Plus I will be able to see those worthless prols get off their fat arses and work for a living for once, from my grace and favour Parliament office that I have just had decorated with panda skin wallpaper at the tax payers expense, while drinking the finest subsidised claret and toasting my well deserved and self appointed 11% pay rise."